奏ypical person' says about 20,000 words each day -
depending on their family structure, job and personality - which
averages to 3,000- 5,000 statements a day. A statement can be as
short as saying Go!, a few sentences spoken together or one
sentence including many statements. According to an article I
read, 10% of these statements are lies. The article intrigued me.
Ten percent of our statements each day are lies? What does the
疎verage' person lie about?
when we meet someone we dislike, we say 前h! How nice to see
you.' When someone asks us for information that we are too lazy to
get, we say 選 don't have it'. We constantly tell lies, like
塑ou look like you lost weight', 禅hat was a great idea', 選
was just going to call you', 選 don't have time', 塑ou're so
smart', 選 got lost', 選 forgot', 選'm so happy for you',
選t was an excellent price' and 選'm having a great day'. When
someone tells us an idea we say, 選'll take it under
advisement'. When late we say, 選t took me more than ｽ hour to
find a parking space'.
daily statements, which many people make, truly lies?
Many of these comments are subjective comments, comments which can
be true under the right circumstances, with the right intentions
and are said to facilitate communication. In fact, because such
comments are usually said with the intention of making or keeping
peace, they are communication tools and not necessarily lies.
comments can be translated in various ways that would
also make them the truth.
comments can reflect the perception of the person
making it. We see a situation a certain way because of our own
personal slant. If I like black clothing and others do not, my
complimenting a black suit is because of my perception of that
color clothing regardless of what others think. Also, there
are times subjective comments reflect our mood. I may like black
clothing today, but not tomorrow. That does not belie the truth of
my positive comment yesterday.
times that subjective comments can inspire someone else
so that they make it the truth. When my father, obm, was asked for
a reference he would fulfill the request. My father recognized the
potential in everyone and sought to stress and strengthen what he
saw as the truth. He was also realistic enough to know that not
everyone saw the same goodness he saw, even the receiver of the
recommendation itself, therefore as he handed over the reference
he would say, "Read it and go out and make it
true." In this way he inspired the person to strive for more
and make his positive perception of them the truth.
statements that are lies can at times become the truth.
Just by saying a comment we can inspire ourselves to make it the
truth. Even if I don't feel sorry, when I make an apology, just by
making the statement I may start to actually feel it. The
statement opens a certain quality within me which can help make
the statement true.
comments can be translated many different ways and are
used to enhance communication and keep the peace, and even help us
grow. But when we cross the line and lie about things that are
black and white provable facts then it can harm our communication
and our relationships.
- any two people, be it spouses, parent and child, or two friends
- can't have meaningful communication that is burdened with
constant lying. If someone gets an item repaired for $200- and
tells their spouse it was $100- it's an outright lie. Lying about
the price of a product - or anything that can be proven - can come
back and haunt you and hurt your communication. Yet if someone
pays $200- for a repair and when asked says it was cheap - that is
a subjective comment. When someone says a repair was cheap that is
not a lie, because that is a matter of perception and he thought
it was cheap. How should he know how much it costs for
tires/refrigerator/sink to be fixed? To him the repair seemed
is the difference between a subjective and objective
statement. One is perception and one can be proven to be a lie.
One is a communication maker and one is a communication breaker.
One can be used and one shouldn't be used - ever.